Posted by: pswi60 | October 3, 2007

Fanboy recovery program: 12 steps to better gaming

Here at pswi60, we see how the latest round of consoles and games has torn a rift into an otherwise wonderful community. Like drugs and alcohol, video games can be more than just a hobby…they can be taken too far, to the point where they can distort reality and perception (not to the extent you would like, Jack Thompson) and ruin our gaming community.

What I am talking about here is fanboyism; or another, more technical term, assumism. Fanboys are notably defiant: like an alcoholic or narcotics addict, they have to defend thier absurd addiction; the addiction of thinking thier console brand is the best, ever, in history, and that makes them and thier gaming rig better than you. Pick any article on n4g, and you will see nothing but assumists breathing thier contempt in every corner of a news article, only to boost thier id, ego, and superego by telling you exactly why and how your system sucks, depending on what side you are on.

Well, I know we are all better than that. I mean, not long ago, we didn’t have so many different systems available…yeah, there were some, but they were so obscure and un-main stream (not to mention the internet was in its infancy, therefore it was unable to facilitate the assumist and their console hate speech) that it really didnt matter. Now, you will have to defend every aspect of your console, from the price, to features, software, framerate of said software, edram, resolution, game case, etc….

What happened? PC gamers don’t do this type of stuff…has the media created an environment for this? Like alcoholic mothers and fathers, setting us up for the ultimate fall; no matter how much we want to be unbiased, we are pre-disposed to assumism from the time we open our infant gaming eyes to the internet to find a cheat code or a mod site. What can be done?

Here, I have provided 12 steps, to help ween yourself from your fanboy addiction. Lay waste to your assumism, and repent:

Step 1: Came to believe that we were powerless over our fanboyism/assumism, and that our gaming lives had become unmanageable.

Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than the 360/ps3 could restore us to sanity.

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our fanboy will and gaming life over to check out the other console as we understood it (when we get the money, or next time we go to best buy).

Step 4: Made a searching and moral inventory of our consoles flaws.

Step 5: Admitted to a friend, a neighbor, or an NPC the exact nature of our wrongs.

Step 6: We were ready to have the gaming gods remove these defects of our console.

Step 7: Humbly asked the gaming gods to remove these shortcomings .

Step 8: Made a list of all bloggers, flamers, commenters, posters, writers, and enemy AI that we had harmed, and be willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9: Make indirect amendments to such people, unless to do so would injure our own ego, site traffic, or adsense money.

Step 10: Continue to browse the other consoles inventory and promptly play and/or purchase it whenever possible.

Step 11: Sought thru killer gaming sessions to improve our conscious contact with the gaming gods, praying for knowledge of hidden skulls and laser like accuracy and the power to carry out ninja kills

Step 12: Having had a virtual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other fanboys/assumists on Xbox Live and the PSN and in all our online affairs.

Well, there you have it. I hope that this will be a wake up call for some. Lets just take it 1 day at a time… is too short, so shut up and play!



  1. […] Fanboy Recovery Program: 12 Steps to Better Gaming […]

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